Slamming Potter
by MoonyisAwesome
Summary: The views of Harry Potter by a sterotypical Twihard. A parody made for the entertainment of HP fans.


I wrote this for fun-should not be taken seriously, unless for personal amusement. And just for the record, I absolutely love Harry Potter, but decided to take a different perspective in this story. (I was rather tempted to make many grammatical and spelling mistakes to truly imitate Twihards, but decided against it or the sake of the readers)

_I don't own HP, but want to; I don't own Twilight either, and have no intention to._

* * *

Why I think Harry Potter suxx!

When I saw the Goblet of Fire I was totally like omg- that Cedric guy didn't even sparkle! He just died when he got hit by green light. Edward would never have just _died_! It's so stupid, what was the author thinking anyways? I can't believe Robert Pattison who agree to such a stupid role, he is sooo much better as an animal killing vegetarian vampire.

Have you even _seen _that Harmony girl's hair anyways? Does she even know what a straightener is? It looks like she was dragged by her hair across half of England, got attacked by a cat, and gave home to family of ferrets. Why on earth the makeup department would even let her keep it like that is beyond me.

Serious Black is such a work of plagiarism-whoever wrote Harry Potter must have copied of the beautiful-enchanting-divine-godly Stephanie Meyer. Hello? Jacob Black? They both are Shape-Shifters, but Serious doesn't even look like a freaking wolf! I know everyone says that Harry Potter came out first, but obviously the author was witch and she looked into the future Twilight books to get ideas! I mean, it totally makes sense, right?

Harry, Ron, and Harmony are the worst actors ever! They act sooo childish and wear the frumpiest clothes ever. Look at Kristen Stewart, I mean, her overjoyed-expression looks the same as her depressed -and-suicidal-expression, but Twihards could so easily tell which one it is! Why bother wasting time on facial emotions anyways?

Twilight is full of love and romance; Bella and Edward were _meant_ for each other (even though they only knew one another for a few weeks). Love at first sight, can you call it? On the other hand, Harry and Ron are so tactless and slow. Why didn't Harmony choose the Boy Who Lived when she had the chance? Everyone makes such a huge deal out of Romione, but really, who cares about Ron anyways-he's not even hot, or sparkly.

Ginny isn't all that pretty, and Harry's so short, so they make such an awkward couple. They've kissed, what, three times is the entire 8 films? I'm all like, are you kidding me-that's not love! What's so awesome about Twilight is that you can start reading baout Bella and Edward's make out session, skip half a dozen pages, and still be reading about the same kiss! Who doesn't love that?

Voldemort is such an idiot-he didn't need to kill everyone, he could have conducted a perfectly peaceful albeit boring negotiation like the Volturi did, perhaps over coffee at Starbucks-wait, do they even _have_ Starbucks in the UK?! Ah, whatever, he's still ugly though.

Harry Potter has such a complicated personality! One minute he's all emo because his parents died, then he's being mean to Ron, then he's all happy about catching a golden ball on his broom(who can't do that anyways?), then he spits liquid all over his shirt because of that Asian girl Cho Chang. Edward would have _never_ done that, btw. But seriously, Bella is way more emotionally stable, and never does anything careless and reckless (unless she's listening for _his _voice inside of her head, of course!).

Bella has a forgiving nature, Hermione doesn't. Edward dumps Bella and tried to suicide, making her really depressed and all, but she still doesn't mind. She still doesn't mind him taking apart of her truck and following her everywhere. But when Ron kisses another girl, Hermione tried to kill him with birds! What kind of love is that? And she keeps on hitting him so much with her textbooks, and calling him names and stuff. They should just file a divorce.


End file.
